Sunday, July 18, 2004

I'm watching the sun stumble home in the morning from a bar on the east side of town

This was a good weekend.  Josh and I went to the zoo yesterday and spent the whole day there walking around and seeing all the animals.  God, I love the zoo.  It was a lot of fun.  We walked SOOO much and that sort of kicked my ass.  My legs are tight today, but that could be because I drank entirely too much wine last night.  lol.  But thats ok it was fun.   I certainly don't want any dry white wine for awhile now though!
Nothing too exciting.  Josh and I were lazy this morning.  My blood sugar was all kinds of effed up this morning so that was how Josh got the wake up- to me shaking becaise my blood sugar had dropped.  Gotta love the blood sugar disease!  :)  But it is better now.  I am going to go eat something soon and that will help a lot.
Blayne's grandma died.  I feel bad for him and for his family but at the same time I don't know that I want to open up any lines of communication.  Actually I know I don't.  We are not friends and I doubt we ever can be.  He has flat out said that as long as I am with Josh he will not be my friend.  And frankly, I don't see that changing any time soon, so...  thus is life I suppose.
Josh and I are getting ready to plan our vacation.  I am super excited.  It should be an awesome time!  And I can't wait!  We are now deciding on a cruise or a trip to Seattle, because I have never been.  I told him yesterday that I wanted to go to New Zealand for our honeymoon and he agreed.  lol.  Likely.  And I suppose we should be engaged first too, eh?  Details details.
it's weird because a part of me thinks that if we were engaged while he was in Iraq I would feel better about him being there.  how weird is that?  Of course I don't tell him this because we all know that nothing freaks a fella out more than the old talk of marriage.  lol.  In actuality Josh is super comfortable talking about future stuff.  But there is a part of me that still feels weird initiating any kind of serious talk about us.  I know it's dumb, but I just have it engraved in my mind that the best way to ruin a relationship is to talk about the future.  And the best way to push a guy away is talk about serious stuff like marriage etc.   I need to get over it, but I don't know how soon that's going to happen.  I guess the biggest thing about us getting engaged is that it's more of a comittment.  And with him being gone, I know that there will be times when I am worried and concerned that maybe his feelings are wavering, even though I am sure that they won't.  Sometimes I hate being so thoughtful.  Grrrr.  But I can say with almost 100% that the artist formerly known as kellbobo will have a naked left right finger as she bids her love adios to Iraq.  And that's okay.  I just don't think that Josh probably really thinks about asking me before he leaves.  Which is understandable since he has a lot on his mind with deploying and all.  And it's not as if I bring it up.  lol.  Just something I think about sometimes.
Well, I do believe I should go feed myself.  More later folks!
posted by Kellie @ 8:19 AM |

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