Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Plagerizing Her Life

There are times when inspiration strikes, more random than lightning in these summer storms I adore. When I started writing my book (I use this term rather loosely- please don't ask me what it's about- it's evolving- like me) I cut out photos and made collages. Weird, I know this. But somehow looking into these faces of real people- real emotions- totally inspired thought. To write what they were feeling. Explain how they got to be where they are.
Eventually, the pictures were thrown to the wasteside, as my characters took on their own personalities and, like a rebellious teen, their own appearances. Try as I might make my herione, Bridgette, blond haired and blue eyed, eventually I could only picture her with dark hair and hopeful eyes. Large, confused, engaging, dark eyes, framed by long lashes. I cut out pictures again. I was writing the story dammit. Not her. But whenever I described her blond alter-ego, it felt... false. Fake. It felt like a lie. Like when someone tells me I'm thin. But that's not what this is about this time.
I've never found a picture of her. Never known exactly who she was. Just as I never know exactly who I am. Does anyone really? But I needed to know her. I wanted her to be everything I'm not and experience life as I don't, can't or won't. For years she's been in my mind. Writing this book more than I, most of the time. Changing her story more than I ever could. Daring me to take her down different paths. That's why the book always changes. She's still figuring it out.
Tonight I was inspired. Browsing through pictures on friendster, trying to pass the time, I think I saw her. I stopped and went back. I sat in silence, reading the name, and looking at the picture.
There she was.
One of my best friends from college provided me with this character I have created in my mind. Again, I was reminded of how much I miss her.

and my story changed again.
posted by Kellie @ 9:51 PM |


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