Monday, August 29, 2005

And Then I Cried AGAIN

So I’m not exactly sure what my issue has been as of late.

I’ve been feeling very down and I can only trace this feeling back to my separation from J. I know it’s ridiculous to let this get me down; this something that I have no control over to change. But as the months go by, I feel anxious for his return home-

safe.

The news drives me insane and avoiding it is virtually impossible. I feel constantly barraged with politics, views on the war, support for the troops, hate for Bush. While I appreciate this is something that the world (rightly so) is passionate about, sometimes I feel as though I too filled with emotions to take on anyone else’s. Every day we get word here that more people are dead- and I find myself always fearful that something will happen to the one I love. I try not to think about it- but ignorance is not bliss, it’s just a veil under which I hide my heart (on my sleeve). I love Josh for his dedication. For his resolve. He is stronger than I am, which we’ve always known. And I’ve tried to be strong for him. But as this year is coming to a close (hopefully) I feel overwhelmed with all the emotions I’ve kept trapped inside. They come pouring out at inappropriate times, or just the most random of evenings-

letting my dog outside for instance.

I took the little monster (affectionate name, I know) out on Friday evening. As the night air hit me so did my emotional baggage, which I thought I’d loading onto a train to Forgotten. The wind was knocked out of me, for no apparent reason. And I began to cry. I sat down on a chair and cried my worries out to the night sky and the lawn dug up by a mole I can’t seem to catch. Luckily for me, my dog began to hump me and brought me back to reality after a bit.

Yes- this is my life.

So after that I felt a little better, maybe all I needed was a good cry. Either way, I’ve felt on the verge of tears ever since and there doesn’t seem to be a distinct reason Why. I am hoping that soon the feelings with melt away (along with my PMS) and I will be back to normal. I’ve been thinking "good thoughts", fall, Halloween, dinner with friends, family...

the trouble is that every good thought I have always comes back to him. And then I'm reminded of my missing yet again.

Only 3 more months...
posted by Kellie @ 12:28 PM |

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