Tuesday, August 09, 2005


"Why do you drink?"

It's a question I've heard many times over, mostly from my family. For some reason the sight of their little girl (they've blocked out the last 11 birthdays- I'm still 13 to them) with a drink in her hand is more than they can handle. Granted, coming from a family where alcoholism is as common as a cold, I can understand their concern. What can I say?

We're Irish.

I should make a point before beginning this entry- I don't drink much. Or often. Now in college a few years back, my story was quite different. Now drinking (at least to a heavy extent) is generally reserved for special occasions. But the question is still there- why do I drink? I can say a few things here. One, I like... scratch that- I love wine. I like the taste and the warmth it gives me as I drink it. I like the feeling of sitting with my friends and sharing a bottle while we discuss everything from politics to sex, (although I admit, I do enjoy the talk of sex more). But more importantly, the reason why I drink is to loosen myself up. I know this is surprising to those of you who know me. I am always outgoing, always positive, always happy. And I am always just a little nervous. For every ounce of confidence in me there is also an equal (and sometimes greater) amount of insecurity. I try to hide it as best I can, but sometimes I feel like a zebra in a roomful of stallions. And no matter how much I try to blend in, I know that I don't. I find myself surrounded by beautiful people. And I adore being around them... They are my friends. Gorgeous friends I've been blessed with in my life, but to whom I never seem to measure up.
I try to put forward a tough exterior, but inside I am always a little terrified that I'll be discovered for the soft hearted girl that I am. It's not something to be ashamed of, but I learned at a pretty early age that if you open yourself up- that's when you get hurt. I know the other side of it as well- if you don't open yourself up you never gain anything either. I'm learning.

A work in progress one might say.
posted by Kellie @ 8:06 PM |


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