Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Pictures of Me

Pictures of me are a big unsettling.

I usually don't like pictures of me, however I allow myself to be photographed all the time. I've hated my body 90% of my life and yet I choose paths where my body is on display. Picked upon, examined, ridiculed, enjoyed and probably other feelings that would goo me out if I knew about them- I don't want to go there- thank you very much. I am constantly thinking about my body. And pictures only give me another article to obsess over. My stomach looks big there. My face looks fat there. I hate my hair. Even "good pictures" always have fault. It's always there. Trust me- I'll find it.

I hate other people seeing pictures of me before I get to view them. Digital Cameras annoy me. I want to see the picture first- if it's okay- then you may look- if not... Delete. oops. Sorry. Take another one.
So what's more unnerving is when I see pictures of me out on display. I appreciate the fact that some photographers think I look interesting. Not beautiful, but interesting. So they take my picture. And then they display it. I remember walking through Barnes and Noble awhile back... all I wanted was a book and some coffee. Instead I got walls of me. Me. Me. Me. And of course I have to look. So how conceited do I appear? Here I am, standing in a store at what is supposed to be an art exhibit, examining large photo's of myself. If only people knew that I am picking apart every detail. Making mental notes of changes that must happen in my appearance so the next picture will be better.

I know for a fact that I shall soon encounter pictures of me.

Maybe this time I'll like what I see.
posted by Kellie @ 10:17 AM |


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