Monday, October 10, 2005

When I Grow Up

Lately I’ve been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up.

Okay, I realize I am grown up- and as hard as that is for me to believe, I recognize this as fact. I am an (gulp) adult. But, to be more specific, I am thinking about what career I want to go into. I enjoy the work I do now, that’s for sure. But there are times when I wonder if I enjoy it because it is satisfying, or because it is, for lack of a better word, easy.

I go back and forth in my mind... law school, Masters in Psychology, Education... the possibilities fill my head. And the facts are that I know I will be good at whatever I choose to do. I can excel in academia (when I want to, of course). But I run into this wall where I feel like I should know exactly what I want to do and where I want to be. My social and emotional life are right where I want them. I’m getting married and I’m loving that. I have awesome friends, who, for the most part, are settled or settling, and I love that. I like having my guy and my dog to come home to, and my girls for an evening of food, wine, and (as always) the OC. But then I take a long look at my career and I just don’t know where I want to be. I

suppose I always expect more of myself- I thought I’d know. When I changed my major in college I thrived. But then I freaked out. And the extra year of school didn’t look so hot and neither did some of the "hard" classes I’d have to take. And it wasn’t easy anymore. So I quit. I went back to what was comfortable, and what I was good at.

And now here I sit, almost 25 years old, and wondering if I made the right choice. What’s sad is that now when I think of going back to school, I back down from it. And why? Because it’s hard. When the going gets tough and all that...
But I’m starting to wonder if it’s not time for me to step up and make some decisions. I just feel like I am stuck in this grey area- and I hate grey...

Anyone else been here with me?
posted by Kellie @ 10:53 AM |

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