Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Floating Again

Things are weird here.

You know why?

Because I am currently without voice! I never notice how much I sing, let alone talk, until my abilities are, well, limited.

I used to enjoy it when I would lose it a little. I could do a great Brittany Spears impression, and the low tones make my voice sexier, at least in my opinion. Right now I couldn’t push out "I’m a Slave For You" if I tried, and I definitely do not sound sexy. Trust me. I’ve posed the question to people- people who generally find me sexy- and they agreed.

This is not hot.

I’ve getting my hair cut today and my nails done. I dread the sitting there, unable to hold a conversation, or at least hold one that doesn’t make people think I have the bird flu or something else equally as nasty. I have no idea how I want my hair cut, I just know I want to grow it out again. Maybe I’ll even go back to blonde, rather than my naturally drab brownish red locks. People say blondes have more fun, but I don’t know if that’s true. Brunettes and red heads seem to have a great deal of fun- at least in my experience.

9 days until J is back. I am more than a little excited- although yesterday I was a raving beotch to him on AIM. Mostly because I was frustrated with work, did not feel well, and his IM pretty much sucks (yes, I know he’s in Iraq- I get it). But I did feel awful about taking my annoyances out on him. So I did what any loving fiancé would do... I sent an e-card. That’s love folks.

Speaking of e-cards, I got quite the humorous one this morning from an old friend. A summer of dating, but other than that- now we inhabit Platonic City- him being married and me getting married and all. But I must say- I love e-cards. I love REAL cards more, but there is nothing like that whole "someone is thinking about you" thing. I just truly enjoy that feeling... well... wait.
I should specify.

I love it when it’s a friend. I mean, a real friend, as in someone who actually knows me- and knows where my boundaries are. And someone I know well enough to feel comfortable with a card/letter/mix tape (oh lord... don’t get me started on those). I hate nothing worse than the knowledge that your platonic friends wants to be "more than friends." UGH. I’ve experienced this more than I care to write about. I suppose it should be a compliment, but all it does it push me father away and in turn, end the friendship. And then it’s just this awkward mess that I just don’t want to deal with. I always see it coming... the phone calls, the emails, the AIM convos... I try to ignore it until it’s way too late, then the cat’s outta the bag and I am left wheeling in drama that I never wanted to create. This has gotten substantially better in recent months, but now I am so sensitive to it- I tend to push people away before the drama happens.

And, to be honest, there is a part of me that is okay with this. I have amazing friends. Phenominal friends. The kind of friends I can not see for months, even years, and still get together with and gufaw with laughter (yes, I do Gufaw) so hard until I can’t breathe.
And I have the most incredible man I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing as my partner in life. He makes me laugh and he makes me think. He challenges me and plants my uplifting feet on the ground now and again. My family and his are wonderful... and that’s pretty much all I need. Not that I don’t love making new friends, I do. But there’s no room in this life for drama, because it’s filled to the max with laughter, happiness, insanity, tears, passion and love.

I just keep floating though!
posted by Kellie @ 9:52 AM |

14 comments

<< Home