Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Best Times I'll Never Remember

After being inspired by someone I love dearly, I've decided to forgo the drink.

Yes, that's right. Me. Kellie. No drinking. I understand the shock.

Without going into insane and, moreover, embarrassing detail, the facts are that I drink too often. And I drink too much when I drink. It had been on my mind before, but after talking with this person that I love as much as I love family, it was like God was stepping in and showing me that there's more. I am not the girl I am when I am drunk. It's not me. It's this crazy person who throws fits and yells and cries until the sleep comes. The next day is full of red-faced embarrassment, apologies, and horrors of having to ask someone else what you said or did. There's nothing worse than hurting those you love, all because you had one, or five, too many drinks.

It's amazing how it tends to invade my mind now. Thinking about NOT drinking. It's crazy. In the past, I thought there was the possibility of a problem. Too much. Too often. Dizzy nights and foggy mornings. That was college. And, to be honest, it's what all of my friends were doing. Not to sound so after-school-special, but it's true. Skip class to have beer, take shots before the party- just in case the alcohol ran out, and begin in the morning on the weekends. It all seemed so... College. It seemed like what to do. But after 4 years of it, it's hard to make that switch into the Real World.

Now here we are. So many others my age, trying to get control of this monster we created while "just having fun." Eventually, it becomes a way of life, more controlled- sure, but a way of life nonetheless. We are barraged my images of sexy and "cool" and most of them involve a drink... or five. Think Cosmos- Sex in the City, right? Right. Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. They live these glamorous lives, right? Expensive shoes, explosive sex, amazing clothes and fabulous parties. But, in the core of each woman, is an inner loneliness. And I think many others feel this way, but drown it in one more drink and shared kisses with strangers in another's apartment. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying.

But I realized that I am a stronger person than Drunk Me. I'm happy. I have an amazing life. It's normal and stable and a tad on the boring side, but I like it that way. I like who I am- sober. But I don't like who I become drunk. That's the key for me.

I was contemplating scenarios last night when I couldn't sleep. Thinking about when it might come up... Dinners with family, bars with friends, New Years... New Years. It would be amazing to have a New Years where I actually REMEMBER the New Year instead of either being passed out already or praying to the porcelain gods of the bathroom. I'd like to be sober next New Year.

So this is my statement. My embarrassing confession to the "world" that I'm not so good with the alco-mo-hol. I feel ashamed to say it, but excited to live the way I want to live.

Here goes...
posted by Kellie @ 9:20 AM |


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