Friday, August 11, 2006

Musical Tears

So my sister-in-law left a CD in my car and I was listening to it this morning.

It never ceases to amaze me how certain songs just put me in the mood.

Not that kind of mood. Sheesh. But music influences and extracts different emotions. I listen to different tunes depending on what I am preparing to do...

If I'm going out, it's all hip hop and rap and trendy ridiculous pop music that has no meaning, but sticks in your head like glue. And then you find yourself walking around singing things like "I'm bossy...That's right i brought all the boys to the yard, and that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm..."

Shudder.

Anyways. You get my point. Music that has a beat gets me pumped and ready to shake, shake, shake that ass girls... sorry. back to the subject.

Other times, I feel completely mellow. I listen to Dave and Lily Duncan and chill out. This is usually the way I am in the morning. Driving to work with the windows just a little cracked, softly singing along with some acoustic guitar. It gets me in a calm place, ready to take work on and hoping to be chill for the day.

This morning I was listening to "For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger. It brough me back to days of crushes and new love and all of the wonder and excitement that come with it. It made me think of every boy who said he loved me, and made me think even more about the one boy that mattered when he said it: J.

I fought with my hubby last night. I cried so hard that I had to put ice bags on my eyes this morning to keep me from looking so frog-like. It was like all of my stress over my new job came pouring out, gushing from me so fast I could barely breath. I wanted to go lay on the couch. Let it pour out onto old pillows and old blankets, rather than on my husband's arm. Once it began, it was uncontrollable, and very apparent that this emotional outburst was far from about "us." And in true J fashion, when he had every right to tell me to stop taking it out on him and direct my frustrations accordingly, he held me, let me cry and refused to allow me to confide into the pillows of our couch, rather than to him.

Which makes me feel all the worse for taking anything out on him to begin with.

Why do we feel it's easiest to hurt those we love the most? Is it the confidence that we know they will always be there? That they love us enough to take it? That they just happen to be there all the time and therefore are just more likely to hear about it?

We don't go off on our bosses for fear of losing our job. We keep quiet around our co-workers rather than express our annoyance to keep the office peace. Mums the word when someone cuts in front of us at the grocery, as we don't want to cause a scene. But inside our homes, behind closed doors we allow ourselves to rage on the people we love.

Shouldn't they receive more respect and consideration than that which we so commonl bestow on others? I think so. I know so.

I just need to remember that.
posted by Kellie @ 7:25 AM |

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