Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Legally.. Red

So, I am still waiting to hear back from four schools. Thus far, I have been accepted to three and got a big fat NO from one, which was frankly, not surprising, as it was a bit of a reach anyway.

I find myself eagerly anticipating getting the mail everyday, hoping to find these last four answers. I really don't care if they are yes or no, I just wanted to get them all in so that I can make my decision! So far I am unsure.

I visit a school on Friday with the hubs and hopefully will be visiting his alma mater shortly following. Part of me likes that idea... J knows the area, the faculty, etc, so it might be nice to in a more familiar territory, at least for one of us. Plus, the idea of going to a Catholic school appeals to me. A lot. To have a base of faith around me and opportunities to participate in my faith, while still in school, is exciting.

So we'll see.

I'll let you all know once I do!

I told my firm that my last day will be May 31, 2007. Or maybe June 1, just to end on a Friday. We'll be moving, vacationing, schooling so soon- I can hardly wait!

We have also decided on our vacation for the year. We are taking the train into West Glacier National Park in MT. Then we will be hiking the Continental Divide, into Canada. After 4-5 days of backpacking we should reach our hotel (Prince of Wales) where we will stay/horseback ride/fish/eat/shop for a few more days before boarding a bus to take us back to the train station.

I can't wait. It should be beautiful. And I think there is pretty much only one mountain we'll have to take on.

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband for planning amazing trips like this?

Yeah. I'm happy.

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posted by Kellie @ 8:00 AM | 4 spread the gossip

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

YES!

I pulled into my driveway last night holding a rather large packet from a law school to which I applied. My first reponse.

THEY SAID YES! YES YES YES, GIVE ME MONEY TO GO THERE- YES!

:) Life is grand!

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posted by Kellie @ 10:42 AM | 4 spread the gossip

Monday, January 22, 2007

Too much to ask?

When I was a kid I wanted to be a diabetic.

Or have asthma.

Or glasses.

I actually wrapped a scarf around my arm one day on the school bus (away from my parent's watchful eye, of course) and told everyone I had a sprained arm and it had to be in a sling. My teacher made me take it off and I hated her for ruining my big attention filled day.

As I grew up, I can list the millions of things I wanted to be: thin, popular, funnier, athletic, beautiful, famous, successful, a wife, a mother, the list goes on and on.

Right now I'd settle for a letter in the mail from a law school. Preferably one saying YES we want YOU to come HERE! And maybe even an addendum involving monetary offerings. That would be nice.

I also want my back to stop hurting. I pulled it somehow while cleaning my house and shoveling snow. How embarrassing.

I, admittedly, don't clean enough.

Oh, there's another. Cleaner. I wish I were cleaner. More like my grandma or my mother-in-law who's homes always look perfect. Mine tends to look like a vomited clothes/books/pens/papers/mail everywhere. I'd like the change that. Not sure if I can, because I've tried for years and yet... still messy. I like the look of a clean house. I just lack the patience to keep it that way, I guess.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother told me that if I would just put things back where they go (a.k.a hang my clothes up after I try them on, rather than letting them pile into an expensive heap of mess in the corner/on the bed/over the chair). I know this is true. And yes. Currently my tank top and sleep pants I wore last night are slung over the back of the toilet. My shoes are sitting on top of my dresser. I could blame it on the fact that was running out the door to my office... but.... it's only half true.

Oh! There's another one! I wish I would wake up earlier. Get up the first time my alarm goes off and have a nice relaxing morning. Coffee and toast in front the news, or reading the paper. People do that right? My morning is full of snooze buttons, quick chilly showers where I decide what to wear, blowdrying while brushing my teeth and running out the door- one shoe on and one in hand. With a barking dog outside. Then I realize he's not in, so I have to LET him in. Then it's persuading him to his "room" and me out the door, praying it's not too icy. Driving to work through the rush hour annoyance and eating a granola bar in my office while I listen to 50 million voicemails and begin the stress again.

Sigh.

Even though this is a disheartening post- I am actually in quite a fine mood. Minus the whole pain in the... back.

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posted by Kellie @ 3:43 PM | 3 spread the gossip

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Gallery

According to my friend’s myspace page (shut up- you know you love myspace, too) Robert Brown once said “I'm drawn toward big, passionate, messy works, messy emotions, messy people, messy lives."

That resonates with me. In my soul. I find a truth in it- one that I can’t quite place, but rings true nonetheless. I’m attracted to the abstract… works of art that make people say “I could do that” (to which I always want to say- “then do it”). Bright colors, shapes, ambiguous figures mingling together until it becomes a true Work of Art.

I’m messy. Not only physically (my desk as four glasses on it as I write this), but emotionally. I overreact. I cry. I yell. I laugh until I cry again. I feel emotions down to my core and I express those feelings 110% of the time. Holding in is long gone- out with the now and in with the new. I think I drive J crazy half of the time with my spontaneous craziness, yet, I’m fairly certain that part of him enjoys it. I sing at the top of my lungs. I sit in the front for mass, letting the music and the spirit fill me. It’s just me.

I feel a bit like I am a Work of Art- In Progress. Abstract brushstrokes meshing together. Sometimes it seems to come together beautifully. Other times my canvas is wiped clean and it begins again. The stain of the previous work remains underneath, providing the foundation for the work of art that is Me. I’m aware that not everyone may like it. Being me might seem easy to some (see above: “I could do that.”). And sometimes it is. Other times it sucks. Just like my painting.

But, I also know that there are people who embrace the Art of Me and would hang it on their wall. Just like I’d hang them on mine. These are my friends, my family, my husband and my support system. My Gallery of Amazing People.

They’re the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen. I’ll let you know when my piece is finished.

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posted by Kellie @ 1:10 PM | 4 spread the gossip

Thursday, January 11, 2007

The War at Home

After watching the President's speech last night, I felt agitated. I picked a fight with J, through my tears of memories of what it was like to have him so far away fighting in a "war" that I didn't understand.

I find myself torn. I support our troops and what they do. I am thankful for each soldier who risks his or her life so that the rest of us may rest, safe and secure. Their dedication is far greater than many may ever know and their commitment to each other, and the rest of us, has aways astounded me. They fight through their natural human fear and follow through on their mission, no matter how great the cost may be in the end. And anyone who does not respect them and appreciate them has a fight on their hand if they want to talk to me.

I can remember sitting in a restaraunt listening to two people verbally bash the war. They insulted Bush, but, moreover, they mocked and ridiculed our soldiers. I heard phrases like "Those people just like to fight" and "Just full of anger and testosterone." Yeah. Pretty much awesome people. I said something as I was leaving, but I doubt it did any good and I felt fairly certain they didn't care that my husband was overseas fighting so that they didn't have to.

The other part of me wonders how many more American lives will be lost. American and Iraqi lives, I should say. I feel like we're fighting this open ended battle and that no matter how many people we pour in, more "enemies" will continue to follow- from Syria, Iran, etc. I don't know the solution. We can't just pull our troops out- it would ensure the failure of Iraq. Nothing would make me happier than to see this mission succeed. I was peace for Iraq, to bring our troops home- safe, and to be able to know that my grandchildren will read about this conflict and see a positive resolution. For Iraq to be an example to other nations.

I just worry about the cost of getting there.

I was asked frequently while J was overseas how I felt about the war. It was a hard position to be in. Do I like war? Of course not. Does the President like war? I highly doubt it. Did we get in a situation over our heads... perhaps.

I don't claim to be a political science guru. I don't have the answers. I wouldn't want to be the President. I wish I could be one of those people who has complete faith in the mission. J does. He has faith that what we are doing is right and just and headed for success. And I've always had the attitude that I trusted J's opinions. He was there. He saw both the positive and the negative. He came out of Iraq, a changed person- not for the worse- just changed. He walked away with the Bronze Star Medal of Honor and he walked away from the army (less by choice than by the fact that we couldn't move where he had a job, but don't get me started). You never hear the positive changes in Iraq. I have yet to turn on the news and see a story about all of the schools they are building, the people who are thankful for our presence. It's the only war in the world where the loss of 4 soldiers makes the news. But, on the other hand, if J had been one of those soldiers, my opinion would surely be different. A life is a life and the loss of that life is significant, even if the numbers are not as "high" as we've experienced before.

Tell that to their family.

People have also asked me if J had died, if my opinion might be different. Who can know that? Perhaps it would, but we all must remind ourselves, that this is not a time where men and women drafted. It's a volunteer military. Everyone who signs up, knows the potential, and they must have had the conviction that they wanted to help and serve our country in this way. So, how could I lay blame and fault when they were doing what they loved? But, the point and the truth is, I simply don't know. But I'm glad I never had to figure it out.

So, the point of this babbling post, is to find out others opinions... what did you think about the President's speech? What about the war?

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posted by Kellie @ 8:11 AM | 10 spread the gossip

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Take and Read... then Apply.

This post goes out to the ladies.

And the gay men.

And the guys who just want to read this and feel like either a)crap or b)awesome... depending on what guy you are.

The best book for any woman to read is, of course, He's Just Not That Into You.

We know that right? If you don't- learn it. Live it. Embrace it.

BUY it. Now, there's no excuses.

Now, I know that I have been guilty of falling into the many traps that this book discusses. I have allowed myself to be treated like a booty call/just friend/assistant and everything else in between. Bear that in mind, folks. But as I talk to friends and give advice to others, sometimes the words "He's just not that into you" can sound... well... bitchy. But I say them. Well, I've said them. Blurted them out in the face of a beautiful girl, tears in her eyes when she tells me about her Worthless Boyfriend.

She's read the book.

She owns the book.

She tells everyone else to read the book.

But she ignores it.

How long should we allow ourselves to be treated like a backup plan before we get it?

The answer is- NEVER!

My friends are beautiful. I may be biased, but come on. They're smart. They are doctors and attorneys and actresses and teachers and everything in between. And yet, on occasion, when a man steps in, their attributes fly out of the window and they become this whole new person. A person who sits by the phone, tears in her eyes, waiting on him to call when he said he would. Days go by until she finally calls him.

"Well NO ONE calls when they SAY they will, Kellie."

Yes they do. J does. When we were dating he called me all the time! He called to say hi, he called on his lunch, he called when my favorite show was on- just to mock me for watching it. We racked up $500.00 in phone bills in one month (note to all- do not do this!). But, the point is, he called me. He cared enough about me to see how I was doing. He was thinking of me, and wanted me to know it.

He treats her like crap. He doesn't respect her. He doesn't respect her friends. He drives a wedge between her and her life/family/work/friends. And yet she "loves him." Why?

"He's different when we're alone." Okay. Great. So, the point is that he has the ability to act like a decent and normal human being. Has the potential to be a wonderful boyfriend/husband. But the fact that he does not respect her enough to do so all the time, well, that pretty much means he sucks. And there is someone out there who doesn't. And maybe would even "love her" more than he ever could.

I know the excuses. Trust me- I made the excuses for 3+ years. But when I took a hard look at myself, at the relationship and the way I was treated- it all boiled down to those infamous six words and it was true: He was NOT that into me.

I know this is a rant, and some of you may know why this rant is occuring... but I find it hard to sit back and smile when I see a friend continuing down this road. But I will.

I'll smile. But not because I like him, but because I love her.

And when shit hits the fan, I'll console and love her, and I'll never let her see this post- because everything in here she's already been told- and I think, somewhere inside of her, it has to resonate.

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posted by Kellie @ 9:58 AM | 3 spread the gossip

Friday, January 05, 2007

New Year, New Me

Happy 2007, all. I know I've been absent lately. It's not that I don't have things to write about, or even that I don't have the time. It's just that for some reason I feel compelled to write realyl interesting things, discuss subjects that make other people say "damn Kellie". But instead I've been filled with work stresses, LSAT taking, law school applying, Christmas bliss, where-the-heck-is-the-snow wonderings, and New Year sobriety.

I've been in one of those "the weekends can't come fast enough" moods that hits me everytime I get a little chance to be off work and relax. I've been sick off and on, mostly from this crazy weather. Hello? I'm in Indiana! It's supposed to be snowing now! And not stop until March. Oh well. It's better this way, as the Mustang will suck in the snow, I suspect.

My Christmas was lovely. It really really was. We spent it with my family, spent too much money on everyone (especially J) and ate literally everything in sight. Now comes the time to work it off and become me again. The thin me. Not this chunky mess I'm allowing myself to become. I'm always amazed at how blesses J and I both are with our wonderful families. We adore spending time with them- and I think that makes us lucky.

As the year came to a close, I got my LSAT score back, which allowed me to apply to my law schools! YAY! It's a weird feeling now... sitting and waiting, knowing that my future is lying in the hands of a board of people who don't know me. They see my grades, my test results and read a statement of exactly one and a half pages, telling them why I am the one they should choose for their program. There's so much more I wanted to say in my application... I wanted to tell them that I can make anyone laugh. Anyone. Just give me an hour. Let me get a sense of them and where their interests lie and BAM. I'll at least get a giggle. I wanted to tell them how badly I want this. How certain I am that this is my path to sucess. But everytime I wrote down the words, it came out muddled and, a bit, pathetic. So, it was back to the drawing board. I think what I finally came up with was a success, although in re-reading I noticed a stupid typo, which apparently NO ONE else who read my essay saw either. Double damn.

Oh well.

New Year was spent with J's family. We went snow tubing, which rocked, and had oysters on the half shell, and stayed up talking about religion until 2:00 a.m. I rang inthe new year sober and I actually remember my entire night. Pretty great. I boiled lobsters outside with my father in law and allowed them to die in a fashion that would suit them. They swan dove into the water, back flipped, head-first, butt-first... it was beautiful.

And delicious.

They all made it the few days before New Year, except for one. I named him Tupac, as he died before his time.

He was also delicious.

All in all, the new year looks pretty good.

:)

I'm back! :)

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posted by Kellie @ 11:18 AM | 4 spread the gossip