Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Yes, I'm posted about Abortion... hate me now

All I have to say it, I warned you.

After reading a post about a young, married blogger’s decision to abort her baby (as she already has one child and did not feel she and her husband could provide for a second), I have been thinking…

(I told you this would controversial)!

As a newly converted Catholic, I try most of the time to juggle my views as a woman living in today’s society with my religious beliefs. My value for human rights- women’s rights- and then my value for a human life. As I enter into law school, moving towards my goal of becoming an adoption attorney, I feel conflicted even more, knowing about the “options.”

Unexpected pregnancy is not “convenient.” It’s not in the “plan”. I get that. And that sucks. I’ve never been there, which, in most instances I have found, points toward me needing to keep my big mouth shut. But, again, as I tend to find, I’m no good at that. I have, however, been so certain of my pregnant status. In college once I was sure. Late, and scared to take a test, I was confused. My boyfriend said he had no interest. Did not want to be a father, and did not want our potential baby. Before we had ever had sex, we had discussed the possibility- the “what if’s”. At that time, I felt sure. I’d do it. Take care of the issue. It wasn’t a real baby. I was young and saw women with their big bellies and I didn’t get it. I understood- baby growing in there- check. But, it really didn’t mean anything to me.

It’s awful- but true.

As I got a bit older, I began to change. I began to think about things like family, marriage, future. And then came the scare. The Scare of 2003. My boyfriend’s opinion had not changed, but mine had. Luckily for us both, I didn’t have to make that decision- sever the bond my significant other and I had, although I think the knowledge that he would forever resent me for having our child did the job for me.

Now, I’ve changed even more. I believe there is life within those beautiful big bellied women. I feel my friend’s children kick at my loud voice through their mommies, and I visit them in the hospital. I’m at an age where my friends are having children. Children are a part of my every day and I can’t imagine the choice to terminate that child’s life.

One large fact must be noted in all of this rambling:

I. Am. A. Hypocrite.

I think about rape and molestation and seeing my own little girl carrying her rapists baby, and I think “No.” I wouldn’t make her do it. The whole “good coming out of a bad thing” can only go so far in my mind. And I recognize this is hypocritical. As a Catholic, I should not believe in terminating anyone’s life… That includes all abortions, euthanasia and the death penalty. But I find myself qualifying situations into “acceptable” or “unacceptable”, which, again, is not my place.

I hear all of the time from women who’ve had abortions about their “brave and difficult” decision. I agree. It was a difficult decision… but brave? I don’t know. I think about my old clients… women who’s lives could not support/handle/function with a child, but who chose to carry that child and then allow he or she to be adopted by loving parents. Not that’s what I call brave. Facing the world everyday, showing your decision to all, and then following through- allowing another couple to form a family. That defines bravery.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not implying that abortion is “easy.” Emotionally, physically, spiritually- I imagine it to be draining and devastating. I just don’t know if I would label it as “brave.”

I feel frustrated, too, when I see abortion being used as a form of “birth control.” I know girls who have had 4-5 abortions. Aside from the fact that I think their bodies must be all kinds of messed up, I wonder this: Do they not know how it works? I mean, come on people… You have unprotected sex- you maka the baby. It’s pretty clear. There are ways to avoid this (and again- hypocrite, as my fellow Catholics don’t love this- but given the alternative?!): Birth control, condoms, the shot, the patch… and (for all of you Catholics out there) a little thing called Natural Family Planning! Any one of the above could assist. I get it if the condom breaks/you are one of the .001% of people who got pregnant on the pill, blah blah blah. But, then here comes the big question: If you’re not going to be responsible enough to have a child- perhaps sex is not a good choice.

I don’t get it.

*Hi all, glad to be back… nothing like being absent for weeks, and then posting about abortion. Lucky for me, no one’s been around in weeks, so I’ll probably get .5 hits*

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posted by Kellie @ 11:26 AM | 11 spread the gossip