Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I thought about...

I thought about you today. About me today. About us.

I thought about how things ended and how I left. About the last time we talked, the last call I got, the last one I made. I remember how dead I felt- how tired. How after years of not hearing what I needed to hear- hearing it- and hating the words. I remembered the standing behind the door, after closing it, listening to you stand outside until I opened it again and let you back in... again...

I thought about me today. How I never felt like I was what you wanted me to be- and now I am. I remember feeling bad about who I was and where I was in my life and my career. I felt like I wasn't good enough- like you weren't proud just to have me, the actress, by your side. And now I'm what you would have called "worthwhile." A person who wouldn't embarrass you. I am still the same me. I still say the same outlandish things, and I laugh too loud, and I make jokes that people don't always get. I don't run in the rain- I still walk. I still watch bad television and eat sushi with too much wasabi. I still like kissing in public and crying at commercials. I'm the same- just more.

I thought about us. The beginning, middle and end. A play with too many scenes, a dark comedy perhaps. I thought about laughing, crying and nights out on the town. About frat parties, apartments, firsts and more. I thought about stories and friendship and goodbyes... distance and confusion and first dates in convertibles and driving your car.

I thought about it all on this odd cold January day and I felt ice on my lashes.

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posted by Kellie @ 7:38 PM |

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