Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Blind Leading the Blind

So, my husband, J, has been having trouble with his eyes. No, not like pink eye or like any other eye infection I’ve ever experienced (aka no pussy, sealed shut eyes seeping onto his pillow, stuck shut, have to hold a wash cloth on them just to get them open- eyes. Goo, huh?). I’ve been jokingly calling him Popeye, as he has been keeping one eye or the other shut most of the time, giving him the oh-so-sexy Popeye the Sailor Man. (But I’m definitely no Olive Oil). Light causes pain, his eyes hurt, they’re super red and blood shot all of the time and he’s getting headaches. Today he called me and said he needed an eye appointment asap, and then he was sent home, due to the fact that he had blurred vision and was experiencing double vision. And, although I can think of nothing more appealing than two of me- this was concerning. After him driving home when he shouldn’t have (and almost got into an accident because of his, oh you know, LACK OF VISION!), we heading straight to the ER.

Ah, the ER.

Classy place this ER. First of all, I’m not a snob, but I don’t love the stink of people. Of Stinky People, that is. And the waiting room smelled like B.O. And that, dear readers, goos me out. So, I was thankful when we were buzzed back to the ER room without having to wait for too long. However, this is where the real trouble began.

We had a resident, which I would normally be a-okay with that. I mean, come on. I would put my life in the hands of the likes of Dr. Christina Yang, Dr. Izzie Stevens and Dr. Meredith Grey. Dr. Karev might be a stretch, but we would have welcomed him compared to the Dr. we got- Dr. WTFamIdoing.

Dr. WTF entered the room and was confused from the get go. J and I continued to correct him and add on Js symptoms. He wasn’t sure how to operate the chair. The ER chair. You know the one- goes up down, back forth… yeah.

Next he was unsure of how to put the dye into J’s eyes. I knew he was confused when he allowed the incredibly bright light to shine in Js eyes (despite J telling him that bright light caused his pain to worsen…) and took about 5 minutes to try to figure out the eye dropper. Yeah. He put the dye in Js eyes and then we moved onto the eye exam.

Yeah. No we didn’t. He. Didn’t. Know. How. To. Adjust. The. MACHINE. Lucky for him, J, the blind patient managed to point out the levers that moved the machine. In fact, J figured out how to turn on the next incredibly bright light Dr. WTF would shine in his eye, while he looked uncomfortable and confused. Dr. WTF then informed us he wanted another Dr’s opinion. He sounded very confident. “I’d just like another dr. to take a look at this.” Dr. WTF said, before making his exit.

We sat. We made shadow puppets. We made music on our empty Sprite bottle. A nurse came in, outing Dr. WTF with the information that he was just a resident and went to find the attending to help him. Yeah. We actually had thought he was an intern- yikes. Dr. WTF rejoined us with Dr. I-Don’t-Give-A-Shit, who spoke so quickly, showing Dr. WTF how to put drops in and move the machine around. Neither one of them looked at J for more than 10 seconds. Then they both left. Dr. WTF promised to return soon, he just “needed to check on something.”

They never returned. An hour later we used the emergency button to page the nurse, who then came over the loudspeaker in the room (about 10 minutes later) to ask what the problem is. I wanted to be an ass. “Oh nothing, my husband just went into cardiac arrest, but you know, whenever you guys get a sec.”

Instead J spoke. “Uh, well, we’ve just been sitting here for an hour and the doctor hasn’t returned.” He said, calmly. (I love this about J, he stays calm even when he should be reloading). She paused. “Yeah, well I think your paperwork’s been up here.. I’ll check on this.” Another ten minutes later another nurse with a great bedside manner (sarcasm here, please) came in with a prescription for an eye cream we still pretty much know nothing about to treat an ailment of which has yet to be diagnosed all signed by a doctor who pulled a Houdini on us. Brilliant.

So, we now have to go to our eye doctor to figure this mess out. J can’t drive or really see and we have to try to get this taken care of tomorrow.

Luckily I am sure this little evening out will only cost us a few hundred.

Gotta love the ER.


posted by Kellie @ 8:02 PM |


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