Sunday, November 23, 2008

Eddie

I remember the first time I saw you- you tossed all of the other puppies aside just to get to us. We knew we had to have you that moment. The next few months were filled with you tearing up everything you could get your paws on- eating everything in sight, be it my shoes or your actual food. You were, and still are, terrified of baby gates. You sat in the car, us going back and forth to keep you company, when J left for Iraq. You slept next to me for years- my eternal electrical blanket. Your eyes were always sad, even when I know you’re happier than ever. You’re a kissing whore. You love fires and love the winter. You dig in the snow, break the ice, and burrow your way into a mountain of cold. You love basking in the sun. You are one of my most favorite “people” in the world.

And now I have to say goodbye to you.

I don’t know what life will be life without you there. I can’t think about it. I’m sorry I don’t know if I can be there, in the room, at the vet during your last moments. I love you so much, I can’t bear to see you go. It’s selfish. I can’t help it. I hope you know how much I love you- I always will. J will be there with you- to say goodbyes and kiss you after you’re gone.

I didn’t anticipate the overwhelming sadness I feel. It’s like losing a person- a best friend. You’ve been there for me for so long, even been there when J wasn’t. I take back every hateful word I yelled at you. I take back every time I got annoyed with your barking. I take it all back. I wish we’d done more. I wish I’d walked you every night. I wish I’d taken you to the park more. I wish I’d given you all the food you wanted- made you fat and content- instead of always worrying about your health. I wish you still slept next to me, protecting me from intruders in the night.

As I sit here, tears streaming down my face as I write this, I watch you lay beside the fire. You’re happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.

I love you. Always.
posted by Kellie @ 6:21 PM |

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